I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
