a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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