One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
