I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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