The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
