I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
