I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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