Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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