Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
