I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
