what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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