i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
