My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize