You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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