Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
