This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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