if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
