paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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