the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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