Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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