i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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