Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
