just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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