Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
