the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
