I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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