Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
