You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
