We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
