I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
