Heybabeimwearingurpanties
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
