I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
