I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
