Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize