You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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