So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
