I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
