Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
