I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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