Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
