I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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