i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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