Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
