hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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