My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
