I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
why is half of my head shaved?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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