turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
