Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
