"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
