Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
