There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she peed on how many people?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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