so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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