Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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