you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
