I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize