glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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