I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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