I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
