So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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