you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
