It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
