I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
