I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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