he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
