he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
