No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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