you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
