sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
