She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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