dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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