didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
