You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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