That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize