someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The convent might be a nice break from real life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
