remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
