goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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