adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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