she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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