In the future we'll all be gay
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
