My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
