Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
