I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm at about main and main street
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
