i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
