What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Randomize
