there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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