Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
