It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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