remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
