Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
