Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
