I love black thongs
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
