Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
