Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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