I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
