Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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