just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
