one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
