This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
