Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize