After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
