I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
