I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
