Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
