Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
